How To Win an Olympic Medal

by Shenron on September 12, 2009

Every kid’s dream is to be an Olympic athlete when they grow up. Unfortunately for many of us, that dream never became a reality. I know for a fact that it was never going to happen for me because it turns out you have to play a sport to even qualify and I most surely didn’t. But it got me thinking. Is there a way to make it into the Olympics without any type of training and only a slight idea about how the whole thing works? Turns out there is. I figured it out and come 2012, I plan to be walking through the opening ceremony, head held high, and flag in tow. So, if you want to join me (we can split the cost of a hotel room!), keep reading.

Olympic Medal How To Win an Olympic Medal

1. Learn about a sport: Unfortunately there’s no way around this one. You must have a general idea of how the games are played because if you don’t, you’ll probably end up making a fool of yourself. Take the time to get familiar with at least the basic rules of the game you’re trying to cheat your way to the top in.

2. Get to the Olympics: Obviously this is an important step. The 2012 Games are being held in London this time around. I plan on flying over there about a month early to beat the rush of athletes and spectators that plan on coming closer to the time. If you plan to come with me, bring some extra clothes so we can be sure we’ll have enough to wait out the month.

3. Ceremony: The most difficult part of the whole thing is actually getting into the ceremony without anyone noticing you’re not part of the team. The best way to fool everyone is to wear your sports uniform EVERYWHERE you go. I plan on running the 100m dash events so obviously the best thing to do is to wear a track suit wherever I can. Once people become familiar with your attire, they’ll start to think you’re an actual athlete. Come time to get into the opening ceremony, head over to the venue (maybe 3 to 4 hours early) and clear security with the fake “I’m an athlete, let me in” badge you can print for pennies on the dollar. Do yourself a favor and print an extra just in case you lose the first one. The security officials won’t dare question your prowess and authority and will let you right in to your country’s locker room.

Olympic Medal 5 How To Win an Olympic Medal

4. Win: Enjoy the intro ceremony while it lasts because the next day you’re going to have to win. Every sport is a little different so developing the perfecting winning strategy is key. It may take some ingenuity but hey, you’ve gotten this far. I think you can come up with something clever. Me, I’m going to be running track and when no one is looking, I’m going to just wait at the finish line. So when the runners come round the last corner, I can dash out in front of them all and claim my victory.

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: